“This is quite an impressive facility you have here.” Captain America strode through the hallway with Hatman at his side. The war hero had his shield strapped to his back, as he obviously felt safe within the Mansion. Since Sir Mumphrey had asked Al B. Harper to deactivate the Stunulator’s for the duration of the Avengers stay, he was justified in his assuredness.
Hatman walked beside the living legend. “I don’t know that it compares to Avengers Mansion, but it’s home.”
Captain America picked up on Hatman’s tone. “Is it home? You don’t seem so sure.”
Hatman sighed. “It is, really. It’s just, well, having you around has got me thinking about some things.”
“Oh?” The Captain’s curiousity was piqued.
“You lead the premier superhero team of your universe –“
“I don’t know if I’d go that far. The Fantastic Four-“
“I’m not trying to discount the accomplishments or valour of the other heroes in your universe. But the Avengers are called Earth’s Mightiest Heroes for a reason. And you’re their leader. But you’re also a symbol to your entire nation.”
“I don’t see how that and my position as one of the team leaders need to coincide.”
“That’s not my point. My point is that you serve as a model of the ideals that your country was meant to be built upon. Honesty, courage, selflessness, freedom for all. It might not be what America truly is, but it’s what it should aspire to be. You epitomize that. And I like to think that I’m a role model as well. But I’m by no means the symbol you are. And even if I was, well…”
“From what I’ve gathered from the short time I’ve been here, I’d say that you are a role model son, and not just to the public. Sir Mumphrey spoke very highly of you, as have several of your other teammates. There really is no point in comparing yourself to me, as I think you’re doing just fine.”
“I’m not comparing, really. But you’re the American leader of an America-based superteam. I’m a Canadian on an America-based superteam, and I worry sometimes that the people in my country don’t have someone along the lines of you to look up to. It’s a dilemma that I could directly do something about.”
“Well, that’s a decision you need to make for yourself. But consider this; I may be looked up to as America’s champion, but there are people who want nothing to do with me because of that. The advantage to being a role model not directly affiliated to a certain government, as I am, is that people everywhere will look at you as you are, not as the arm of a ruling body. I get respect in my own country, but I’d have to work a lot harder at it in a country like your Ykraan then you would. Some people can’t see past the colors, and you don’t have to worry about that.”
“That’s, that’s a very valid point, Captain. Thank you very much.”
“Please, feel free to call me Cap. Now, what’s this about an intergalactic zoo?”
* * * * *
“Interesting,” said the Vision and the Manga Shoggoth nearly in unison. The synthezoid had reduced his density to that of a wraith, and had entered the biomass of the elder creature. From there he was able to analyze the internal structure of the Manga Shoggoth. His mechanical mind was able to resist the insanity that contemplating the Shoggoth’s inner works brought to most people.
Conversely, the Shoggoth was able to interpret the various properties and materials that made up the android Avenger without dissolving him into his mass. The Shoggoth hadn’t mentioned it to the Vision, but Hawkeye had told him to look for a “Made in Japan” label.
“You are much more complex then you let on,” bubbled the Shoggoth. “You bury your emotions beneath the surface, letting others believe that you are simply a machine incapable of truly capturing emotion. But that couldn’t be further from the truth.”
“I would ask that you keep that observation to yourself, if you please. I can feel emotion if I desire but I am not governed by it as humans are. You, however, seem to resemble the observations you made about me.”
The Shoggoth was surprised. ‘Please explain,” he oozed.
“I noticed that there are parts of your biomass that differ greatly from the rest. It would appear to me that they are contaminated. Is that correct?” queried the synthezoid.
“Yes. I was forced to absorb matter into myself that I normally would not. I have been separated from my main biomass until I can rid myself of the contamination. I assist the Lair Legion while they work on a way to cure me.”
“But have they? My analysis would lead me to believe that this contamination has been there for some time. Has any progress been made at all?”
“Well, no,” admitted the Shoggoth.
“I have found in the past that my mechanical nature has led some of my comrades to think of me as less than a man. In fact, one of my former teammates conspired with the government to have me disassembled. Perhaps your own comrades think of you no differently than mine did, as you are no more human than I.”
The Shoggoth pondered this. “That is a viewpoint I had not let myself consider. It has been a long time with no progress. But that is something I will have to deal with on my own. Come, I have something I wish to show you.” The Shoggoth lead the way to the Lair Legion Living Room, and loaded a DVD into the player. He handed the case to the Vision.
“Ghost In The Shell.”
The Shoggoth bubbled in anticipation.
* * * * *
Hawkeye.
Trickshot.
Archery range.
* * * * *
“So where to next?” asked the Wasp as she sipped at her cosmopolitan.
“I was thinking that we could hit Bloomington’s and the continue on to Wheezie’s, which is, despite the name, a cute little boutique just off of Simonson avenue.” Lisa turned to her comrades-in-credit-cards. “How’s that sound to you, Dancer?”
“Fine by me. You’re sure that Sir Mumphrey won’t mind us using the Lair Legion corporate accounts for our little shopping spree?” Dancer was fairly certain that if forced to she could do a little jig by Mumphrey’s office to ensure he glossed over the bank records for the day, but she didn’t want to if she didn’t have to.
“It’s easy. All you have to do is file your expenses under the hospitality budget. Technically, you could classify us as visiting dignitaries or something along those lines and you can write off just about anything short of a Quinjet,” explained She-Hulk.
“I like her,” Lisa said to her teammates.
“Yo is to be liking of all cute-Avengerers.” The thought being grinned at the memory of Hawkeye attempting to feel him/her up, only to discover that Yo had switched to Yo-male.
“This definitely has been a nice little vacation after all that business with Krona and the Grandmaster.” Warbird took a bite of her salad. “What do you think the chances are that nothing bad’ll happen while we’re here?”
Just then all six purses began to beep. The Wasp and Lisa pulled their respective communicards from their bags. “Wasp here. What is it Tony?”
“Possibly the end of the Parodyverse. We need everyone back at the Lair Legion’s mansion, now. How long will it take you?”
The Wasp turned her Communicard over to Lisa, as she was unfamiliar with the city. “Well, we’re going to catch rush hour, so we’re looking at at least an hour, more like and hour and a half, if we’re lucky. If somebody had let us use their Quinjet to carry all of our purchases like we asked then we could be back in two shakes. Why couldn’t we use it again?”
Iron Man’s voice quieted a bit. “Because I was racing NTU-150’s LairJet with it.”
“That’s right. We’ll be there soon. Lisa out.”
“Umm, Lisa, we’re less than 20 minutes away by car, and Carol and Yo could fly us all there within 10,” pointed out Dancer.
“I know that. But Iron Man doesn’t,” grinned Lisa slyly.
“But he said that your universe was going to be destroyed. Shouldn’t we get back?” fretted the Scarlet Witch, her soup forgotten.
“Sweetie, this is the Parodyverse. It’s always ending. Besides, I don’t want my dying regret to be missing the sale at Bloomington’s. Let’s get to it then, shall we? I must rescue at least four pairs of shoes before the universe is destroyed. Waiter, check please!”
* * * * *
The Lair Legion’s conference room proved to be too small to hold both the Avengers and the Legion, so Sir Mumphrey assembled the teams in the garden. Asil stood next to him with a clipboard in hand.
“Everyone is here except for the Doody head, Dancer, Yo, and three of the Avengers,” she reported.
“The Wasp, the Scarlet Witch, and She-Hulk. They all went shopping together,” supplied Hank Pym. “Speaking of which, I hope my credit card doesn’t work in your universe.”
“They’ll be here as soon as they can, Lisa assured me herself,” Iron Man told everyone.
“We better start without them,” said Hatman. “Go ahead, Iron Man.”
“While NTU-150 and I were, umm, test piloting our respective aircraft, we picked up a very distinctive energy signature. It was the Ultimate Nullifier, from our world. It was just lying amongst the largest cornfield I’ve ever seen. Oh, for those of you unfamiliar with the Nullifier-“
“We’re aware of them, Iron Man,” interrupted Mr. Epitome. “CrazySugarFreakBoy! has told us about it. At length. Many times. Many, many times.”
“We retrieved it, and then we began to scan for other artifacts from our encounter with the Grandmaster. It seems that the artifacts from our universe made the same pit stop we did.”
“Not often the luggage gets lost with the passengers,” commented De Brown Streak.
“Sir Mumphrey and I dispatched teams to retrieve the artifacts, and they’re all accounted for. Except for one.”
“Which one is that, Iron Man?” asked Captain America.
* * * * *
“Browning, what do you make of this strange gauntlet?”
To be continued
Okay, here's the thing. I was originally just going to do some tie-in scenes to the overall crossover, but I had the idea that what if the artifacts from the Marvel universe never made it back either? At first I wasn't going to write the story as I'm not confident in my ability at all to juggle such a large cast. But the idea persisted, and I figured that I might as well give it a try. I'll never get good at it if I don't give it a go. This can still be worked together with what DBS has already put in motion, but if people want to go in another direction I have no problems at all keeping this self-contained under the umbrella of the overall concept. Whatever you guys think is best.
Hope you enjoyed so far. If this does remain self-contained, I'll try to have the next part up in a few days.
~Hat~
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